"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
