Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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