I got chris browned last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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