Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
