Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
