i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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