Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize