4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize