just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
