I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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