So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize