i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
