There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
