I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
