I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
