You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
