Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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