I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
