Buhtt sex?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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