He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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