you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
