Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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