I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
