there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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