thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I cannot find my penis.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
