My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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