Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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