I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
