You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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