Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
