Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
