She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
