I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
