On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
