I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize