Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
