I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
God I need to hump something, right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
