The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
