Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
