i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
