He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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