I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
