I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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