@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
