i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
