Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
