hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
