Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
