Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
