Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
