your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
