I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
