I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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