the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
