Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
pray to the hookup gods
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
