I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
