meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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