Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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