like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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