There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
