this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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