Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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