Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
