Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
