it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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