Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
