that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
