i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
