Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
