I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
