You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
