I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
