All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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