I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
