please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
